What to do w/Angry HUSBAND & SON!?!?

yes - it is abuse - emotional abuse - not just for your oldest son, but to all of you in the house. Just think what goes on when your not in the room. my husband was raised this way by a stepfather. My hubby is now 43 & has no children, but he treats me that way when problems arise. This is his only way of dealing. please - for your childs sake - get them outta there if he wont go to anger mgmt. and knowing these people the way i do, ordinarily its never their fault - they never apologize - and are controlling as hell. trust me, you dont want your boys to grow up to be that way. save them while you can.